On Display

I struggle to write this but there's something I am feeling right now about what I do for a living. I love my job, I love Gateway, I love everything about what I get to do for a living. But...I am having a hard time with communicating so much...it's not that I can't or even that I'm having a hard time coming up with stuff to preach...it's more that it's so open and honest and vulnerable. Think of it this way even though for some it may be a little harsh (you'll get over it, remember this blog isn't for you, it's for me)...

Can you imagine getting up and talking about your marriage every single week in front of several hundred people? Can you imagine talking about the fights in your marriage every week? Can you imagine talking about your sex life in your marriage each and every week? That's what I feel like I do. I reveal the most intimate and honest aspects of my intimate relationship with the Lord.

If you talked about your marriage and your married sex life every week I guarantee that at some point you would get sick of it...sick of being so open...and you would desire it to be private again...that what happens within the context of your marriage stay there. You would want to date and not tell anyone. You would want to work through struggles and not tell anyone. You would want to be intimate and not tell anyone about it. You would want to do all of those things because that's what married people do and because the mere definition of intimacy is with one alone ...YOU WOULD NOT FEEL LIKE SHARING THE INTIMATE DETAILS.

That is where I am right now. I am excited just to walk with the Lord and not tell anyone about what we talk about. I am excited to receive correction and not tell anyone about it. I am excited to be intimate and not tell anyone about it. I just want to do it because that's what He and I love to do...be together and be alone.

I can't wait to get alone.

Finally

Now after a year of doing Seven on Tuesday nights I get a couple of Tuesdays off. We've already been planning the next series for the last couple of weeks so I'm already looking forward to that but it's definitely time for a little break. I love the time around Christmas because it means a lot of time home with Holly and the kids. We play a lot of video games...even Holly. We love the Wii so this time of year becomes dedicated to mindless game playing. Sounds fun huh? Does to me. At this time of year I kind of become a hermit...just a little. I really only want to hang out with my wife and my kids. I'm sure it sounds a little harsh but it's not. It's necessary.

On a completely unrelated note I can already sense the Lord giving me the things I will spend 2008 praying for. Here are a few for a head start...

Local Law Enforcement (I know it's random)
Pastor Robert's tv show
Worship at Seven
Rylie (starts kindergarten)
Holly (too many things to list related to her mom)
My dad's business
Holly's boss and his wife

Anything Else

If you could do anything else besides what you are doing what would you do?

Here are my top three...

Professional hunter. Not in the sense that you are thinking. A ph is a professional guide for hunters. You are paid to guide, track, find, cape, entertain hunters on multi-day hunts. What a cool job. I'd never see my family so you can see why I don't do it for a living but it would be fun.

Press Secretary for the President. I love politics. I've always been fascinated by the politics of politics. But even cooler than politics is being the person who has to answer all of the questions. I've said in the past that if I could sit down for lunch with any political person it would probably be Ari Fleischer. Sitting on the hot seat is fun. This person talks more publicly than the President does about what's going on. What a chance to keep people informed and focused on what's important.

Wal-Mart Cart Passer Outer. Cool job. You get a chance to interact with thousands of people a day and you have an opportunity to bring a smile to their faces. Have no idea why this makes my top three and why I am so obsessed with this job. It's just cool and so are all of the older people who do it. The good ones make you smile and maybe even slow down a little.

Definitely not looking to change my profession any time soon. It is kind of funny to think about what else I would do if I weren't in ministry. I think I'm best suited to stay where I am.

Just imagine though...me standing in front of the white house blue curtain...on tv...with the lower third of White House Press Secretary Preston Morrison.

Love it. Feel sorry for the President that would have made that hire. I'd start more fires than I'd put out.

More Than That

Holly and I went to the staff Christmas party last night. It was the best Christmas party we've had in 7 years of them...except maybe the bingo thing. The best part is always when Robert gets up to talk about the previous year. It's still funny to me that people on our staff think it's funny that they don't get to be around him or get time with him. They truly don't understand and it probably does not put them in a very good light when they try to make statements (jokes) about it publicly and without a doubt it is disrespectful to Pastor Robert. I imagine Pastor Tom probably felt the same way I did. We are here to serve the vision that God has given Pastor Robert not to be his best friend, son, daughter or mentoree. We are here to serve. It is an incredible honor to be a part of what God is doing at Gateway...that get's forgotten sometimes. Anyways I digress.

Holly and I left a little bit early and went to Starbucks to get some hot chocolate and talk. It's so funny how much we have changed, how much our marriage has changed, how much I have changed over the past 7 years. We are so much closer. So much more in love. Much more understanding of one another. We try a lot harder for the sake of the other. We are more amazed today of what God is using us to do than ever before but we also care less than ever before about it. I think I was so interested in what God had "created me to do" that it got in the way of just being us. I really don't care. I won't lose my relationship with my wife or my kids to do anything viewed as successful. So many people around me have difficulty using their vacation time. Not me. Truthfully I'd rather be at home with my wife and kids. I hope that never changes. Some people make you feel guilty because you are not a work-a-holic but that's not God's plan...in fact it is against God's plan. When the church first started Robert set a rule that vacation time does not carry over from one year to another so that we would be forced to use it or lose it. That helped me to set a very healthy foundation for my time with my family. It is non-negotiable. No matter what. Being married to Holly makes me want to rush home and hang out with her. Being Rylie's daddy makes me want to race home and play the Wii High School Musical 2 karaoke game. Being Tyler's father makes me want to go home in time to play ball in the family room and wrestle in my bed and make sloppy smores together. Being Preston's dad makes me want to go home and hold him and kiss him until he cries and then I want to give him to Holly.

My life is more than what I do for a living. I don't ever want to be defined by that. If all people see me as is the Pastor of Seven and Young Adults Pastor at Gateway they are proving they do not know me. I am Holly's husband, Rylie, Tyler and Preston's father, and I am my Father's son.. Those are the roles I am most proud of. That's what I want to be known for.

Working at Gateway is just my job. Passionately pursuing, protecting, and providing for Holly, Rylie, Tyler, and Preston...now that is my life. And what a life it is.

Gifts and Gratitude

We did Christmas this weekend with our kids and I learned one thing...I love watching my kids open gifts. There's one thing that really frustrates me about gift receiving...a weak reception. I don't know why but it has always rubbed me the wrong way when someone opens a gift and looks like they couldn't care less. This is not the case with my kids. They scream. They dance. They don't stop celebrating. It makes me want to buy them more gifts. I love to give gifts. Especially when they are overwhelmingly received. Anything High School Musical 2 for Rylie and anything Cars for Tyler and it's a home run. They are fun to watch. I'm grateful that even at this stage of life they seemed to have learned about gratitude. God loves gratitude. So do I.

Hearing

Went to my parents lakehouse this weekend to have Christmas since we will be in Fresno with Holly's family next week...we had a blast...literally. We did some duck hunting Sat. morning and evening. That night it was around 30 degrees wind chill and I had no hearing protection. Needless to say I has some temporary hearing loss that is just now clearing up. Here are some quick hits about lessons learned from losing hearing in one ear...

When you can't hear:

You can only hear yourself talk.

You cannot clearly understand what others are saying to you.

You quit trying to listen because remember...YOU CAN"T HEAR.

You have a hard time concentrating when others are talking.

Certain sounds hurt your ears (children screaming, Mariah Carey singing, etc)

People begin to think you are in the Secret Service because you are touching your ear so much.

Hearing yourself through a sound system sounds even weirder than normal.

The ringing gets old...REALLY OLD.

Several of these the Lord began to point out during our conversation about how well I am hearing Him. Point taken. It's not that I can't hear, it's just that I'm talking too much.

32

Yesterday was Holly's birthday and as is normal the whole day revolved around her. We had a low key little birthday celebration, just the two of us, with lots of shopping. It's funny how when you are first married you have to have candles and expensive restaurants and all the other trash and after 3 kids all you need is a babysitter. Love it.

I spent yesterday thanking the Lord that 32 years ago he brought my incredible life partner into the world.

After last night and our conversation I spend today thanking God for who Holly has helped me become. Admittedly I am still a work in progress, and so are you, but when I think back to who I was when Holly and I first started dating and in the first several years of our marriage, I get sick to my stomach. I was an absolute idiot. Insecure. Arrogant. Manipulative. Overbearing. Mean. Stupid. Irresponsible.

I know it is the Lord that does the work but for me it was Holly that he used to do it more than anyone over the past 10 years.

Babe I love you more than life itself. I would lay my life down for you without hesitation. There is no one on this planet that I would rather be in love with than you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, get for you, or give up for you. More than any other possession, position or person, you are the reason I wake up every morning and thank God that I am me. At my worst, at my lowest, at my most afraid you are what keeps me in the race. I had no idea when I met you that I would spend the rest of my life unwrapping the gift that God gave me in you. It has been better than I ever could have imagined or asked for. You are the perfect other half of me that I never knew I needed. I could not imagine my life without you, nor will I. I am so proud of who you are and who you have become. You are the most incredible mother I know aside from my own. You have been a better wife to me than I deserve. I love you more than I ever thought I could and I will spend the rest of your life showing you what that looks life.

Lord, thank you for giving Holly life. Thank you for giving her to my children. Thank you for going exponentially beyond what I ever could have dreamed of. You are so good to me and so is she. Bless my wife for the rest of her lifetime and beyond. Continue to grow her, stretch her, overwhelm her, bless her.

It's an Honor

After tonight's service I am overwhelmed with this question??? Why do people come to Seven? It isn't the worship. It isn't the teaching. It isn't the friends. It isn't the building.

People come because they want to. They choose to.

And that is why it is an honor to be a part of what God is doing at Seven. I am grateful to be in the position I am in.

Grateful because I am surrounded by so many great people.

Fantasy Update

Not that anyone really cares but since I do and it's my blog I wanted to report on the progress of my little experiment called fantasy sports.

I am headed to the championship of our Seven Fantasy Football League. I will be playing Chase Morgan and the Fighting Geppettos who have the most cupcake schedule in America this coming week. More to come on that match-up later in the week. He's going to slaughter me somethin' fierce.

I am also headed to the championship game in my division of the SFFL. I am scheduled to face good ole Matt Marciante. Bring it on Matty. It's been you and me all season and this is the way the season should end...with Moss and the Patriots playing the Jets.

In fantasy basketball I have fallen from the top spot into second place. This week I am facing the #1 team, Mike Steel's "King of the Hill". We got off to a rocky start last night since I had one player and he had 5 and my guy Al Horford picked up 4 fouls in 6 minutes against the man-child that is Dwight Howard (who happens to be on Mike's team). Still, a long way to go in the season and I like my chances if we can stay healthy.

My Team:
Jason Kidd
Deron Williams
Kirk Hinrich
Stephen Jackson
Gerald Wallace
Ronnie Brewer
Andrei Kirilenko
Al Horford
LaMarcus Aldridge
Ben Wallace
Drew Gooden
Chris Bosh
Andrew Bynum

We're feeling pretty good about our chances (we being me, myself and I). It's good to be in the championships and near the top for basketball. Now let's stay healthy.

Tragedy at New Life

Thinking a lot about Brady and what happened at New Life yesterday.

-I can't imagine being in Brady's spot where next week some people will have to deal with the fear of what happened yesterday again. When I saw Brady on Fox News yesterday he looked broken for his people. Can't wait to listen to next week's message to hear what the Lord uses him to say. I have a feeling it's going to be one of New Life's finer hours.

-I can't imagine being a parent of a child that I was picking up and hadn't made it to class before the shooting began. The emotions I would feel. The speed I would run with. Nothing would have stopped me from getting to the kids classes.

-I can't imagine being a husband whose wife was out in the parking lot waiting for me to come out with the kids. A shooter between me and her. The helplessness. I can't imagine it.

-I can imagine being the guy who drew his weapon and protected many people by putting the shooter down. I'd like to say that I can't imagine it but I can. It saved lives. It was right for him to be carrying. I wish certain former le's at Gateway would be given the right to carry...I imagine after this, they will.

My prayers are with Brady and New Life today. Especially with the families of those who were shot and those who were around when it happened.

Lord, protect us like the overprotective father that you are. Protect me, protect my wife, protect my kids and all those that I love.

This kind of junk is ridiculous. Enough.

Idiota

Ever feel like you are an idiot for some of the things you think? I don't mean bad stuff. What I mean is do you ever find yourself in a conversation with people and they don't see it the same way as you and you are the one that feels stupid. Today was that day for me. Understand that I am surrounded by men and women at work who are older and in some cases much older than me. So sometimes when I share my opinion I feel a certain amount of pushback...like "Oh he's young, he'll change his mind when he gets to be my age". Maybe that's true. But what if there's something valid brought up from a "younger" team member?

I admit. I may be a little frustrated...not mad...I just hate feeling young...worse than that I hate feeling like I have nothing to contribute because of my age. No one said anything it's just the way I felt it was received.

I was not the wisest person in the room today, I acknowledge that. But I do serve the same God and that's where it all comes from. Young, maybe. Unusable, not in God's eye's. God has used my 4 year old to speak to me more than nearly any human on the planet. It's God, not us.

Don't know why I felt so stupid today but I did. I'm sure the Lord will chime in and give the perspective I need. That's what I love about him. I'm sure it'll have something to do with something I need to work on.

Here's What I'm Praying For Right Now

A Detroit girl who jumped in front of a hail of bullets to protect her mother from an enraged gunman Saturday night is being hailed as an “angel from heaven.”

Alexis Goggins, 7, was hit protecting her mother Selietha Parker, 30, after Parker's ex-boyfriend Calvin Tillie, 29, forced the pair and family friend Aisha Ford to drive to Six Mile Road under threat of death, the Detroit News reported.

Click here to read the full report from the Detroit News.

Tillie, who was armed with a handgun, shot Parker in the side of the head and in the arm after Ford stopped for gas, but before he could fire a third shot, Goggins jumped over the seat between her mother and Tillie, begging him to stop, the Detroit News reported. Without hesitation, Tillie reportedly pumped six shots into the child.

The first grader is in stable condition at Children’s Hospital in Detroit with gunshot wounds to the eye, left temple, chin, cheek, chest and right arm, the Detroit News reported. Parker was admitted to the hospital, but later released.

I can't imagine Rylie doing this. I'm not sure I'd want her to. Don't even know what I'm feeling as I read this. Overwhelming.

Nervous

I'm sitting here in the green room waiting for service to start and I am finding myself being a little nervous. This makes three weeks in a row. I don't know why. I rarely got nervous when we were at the Southlake campus, not sure why I am at the NRH campus. I not only don't know why but I don't even understand why. I am kind of hoping the Lord steps in and lets me know why. I'm not going to try and read into it and get all psychoanalytical about it...I'll just wait till the Lord reveals why. It is a wierd feeling though. Hope it goes away soon...unless it's supposed to be there.

Being There vs. Being There for You

Been feeling really challenged to step up my romantic pursuit of Rylie. If you are from Arkansas that's not what I mean. You people are gross (You know who you are!). Let me explain...

I am on a 20 year plan to capture Rylie's heart. I want to make sure that Rylie feels more pursued by me than any person on this planet. That's my job as her father, not just to be there for her but to go after her, to pursue her. I call it a romantic pursuit because that's what it is and that's what daddies do.

Romantic: characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved, displaying or expressing love or strong affection, ardent; passionate; fervent.

Girls, is that the type of pursuit you dream of having from your father? Of course it is. I think everyone wants to be pursued "ardently, passionately, fervently".

So I bought Rylie the High School Musical Nintendo Wii game where it's basically hsm karoake. Let's just say we were rocking it out last night as loud as we could. She was ecstatic. She was a singer. She was a performer. I was a hero. I was her hero. Last night was a seed that I sowed that I will reap during her teenage years and for the rest of her life.

Incidently, Rylie was not the only one having the time of her life singing...bet on it. Daddies don't just show up, daddies go all out.

Quick Hits

Brett Favre may be the reason for my first round exit in fantasy football this weekend.
Power trips are stupid.
Reality tv is not realistic anymore. Staged like a mo half the time.
Cockiness is not attractive.
No one can beat USC right now. No one.
The Everest series is going to be fun.
Tyler may be the best looking person I know. Little Pres is coming on strong though.
I'm about ready for the look of this blog to change.
Telling someone that "So and So said you have to" means you have far less authority than you think.
I love doing what my kids love to do...so does my dad.
God is gracious. I love the way He is blessing Holly's mom right now.
There's no one I want to be with at this stage of my life than Holly.
My marriage is as healthy as it has ever been. Crazy to think how much has changed in 7 years.
The depth of the experience is greater than the height of the mountain.
Chew on that one for a lifetime.