Sometimes We Have To Walk Through It

Just read this...

http://www.joelstockstill.com/?p=190

I wish we didn't have to walk through difficulties. I wish we could have perfect lives with no pain. It's not realistic though. It is those seasons of struggle, uncertainty, and pain that help me show compassion to others.

I wish I understood why things like this happened to people who give their lives to ministry. If I were to be completely forthright I would say that it really upsets me. I hurt for Joel and cannot imagine what the last year has been like. Lord, bless him and everything his hands touch. Give him peace, comfort, clarity, and strength.

Help me to be soft-hearted and compassionate toward all those around me. Minimize my learning the hard way.

Let It Flow

I am still processing all that God did in me friday night at C3. TD Jakes was the speaker and I had a 2nd row seat for it thanks to my best friend Timmy Ross.

I don't want to explain why the following ministered to me so I'll just give you the highlghts of 90 minutes of Bishop bliss as he covered 2 Kings 4:1-8...

-Elisha went thru mentorship before leadership
-Elisha started out wanting the mantle, then he just wanted the man (me, me, me)
-You know you are God's man based on the amount of trouble he exposes you to.
-God will promote you to your threshold of pain
-God's gonna give you an opportunity to use what you've got, but He'll do it through trouble
-Pray the answer, not the problem (nasty)
-What is in your house?
-Sometimes we spend too much time analyzing "how much they've got" that we forget what we've got.
-If all you're asking for is ordinary, you are not ready to talk to God...ask for the extraordinary! (solid)
-When God asks you a question, something is about to happen.
-Revelation is simply God shining the light on something you have already overlooked! (I'll take it)
-First God forms it, then he fills it
-Don't ask for too little, you might offend the supplier

It was an awesome night and one I really needed. Grateful for some of the dna I get from Bishop through Tim. God takes such great care of us all.

Not So Fast

I was listening to the radio on the way home from work today and a someone being interviewed made the suggestion that instead of the government helping all the people who have not been making their mortgage payments that they should give a reward to those that have been faithfully making their payment for years.

My first reaction embarrasses me a little. I thought, "Yeah, you're right. All 'those' people are ruining the economy for the rest of us. Don't reward them for making horrible financial decisions. Reward me for doing the right thing. I deserve that money more than someone who will waste it."

What an idiot. I really didn't see anything wrong with this reaction. To my natural mind it just made sense. "Not so fast", the Lord says.

Here were the problems the Lord showed me about my thought process:

I felt I deserved more than someone else.

I felt I was right and worse, justified.

I was ignorant of my ignorance.

I forgot that it could happen to me.

Everything I have is a blessing from the Lord. It could all change tomorrow. My job is not guaranteed. Holly's job is not guaranteed. It all comes from Him. And if I have been given enough to weather this economic season why would I even think it would be okay to take from those that need it more so that I could get more?

Lord I am grateful. You are so good to me. Help me to be more merciful.

Happy February 14th Day

I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, with Holly or Rylie. I am not a fan...never have been except when I was single, that is. That's who Valentine's Day is for...singles. This may come out wrong but oh well if it does...Valentine's Day is not like an anniversary...and it better not be the only time in February you romance your spouse (or date I guess). Yes, I said February. Sadly enough many people need a holiday marked on the calendar to be extravagant towards their spouse. That doesn't fly with me, and it probably doesn't fly with your spouse either. Everyone loves to be pursued, everyone. Even the person who acts as if they have no need to be pursued is acting that way to get people to chase them because EVERYONE loves to be pursued.

Why is it that when I say that I don't celebrate Valentine's Day that people say sarcastically, "Oh, because you're romantic everyday and don't need Valentine's Day?" Well, yes, at least I hope so. Obviously I am not on my game everyday, but I try to be. Oh, and I've learned that any woman with the sarcasm wishes their boyfriend/husband treated them the way I treat Holly and any man with the sarcasm is embarassed because he knows his girlfriend/wife wishes for more romantic pursuit than he's probably giving. This is not arrogance, it's honest observation.

Listen, I have been called to love Holly the way Christ loved the church...I don't take that lightly. I love the church. In fact, the only things I love more than the church are my wife, Rylie, Tyler, Preston, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I love the church. But He loves the church infinitely more than I do. I try to love Holly the way He loves the church.

Let me say, I am no where near perfect! Not even close. This is one of the reasons that I pursue Holly the way I do...it's because I am such an idiot. I can't control how stupid I am sometimes...it just happens. I can though, control my pursuit of Holly. Romance is simply effort. You just have to want to try. Anyone can be romantic. Romance is not a gift God gives to some and not others. It's not even something you have to come up with...you simply watch God do it and re-enact what you see.

My desire is to treat Holly in such a way that it gives her the ability to say that no man has ever treated her even close to the way I treat her.

My desire is to give Holly things that she has never been given by any man, even her own father.

My desire is to give Holly things that she would never even give herself.

My desire is to be there when she needs me, or even when she doesn't, to chase her, woo her, cover her, encourage her, flatter her, give up for her, help her, serve her, focus on her, catch her, push her, need her, cry with her, laugh with her, grow for her, try for her, and the list could go on.

My desire is for Holly to be so overwhelmed by my love for her and gifts for her that they reveal more about how God loves her than anything on the planet except God himself.

I'm not gonna lie...it's a competition thing in some ways. No one is ever going to be able to say that they treat Holly better than I do. NO ONE. No ex-boyfriend, no family member, no man who may try in the future. You are not going to beat me. You can't beat me when it comes to her. You might be able to woo her for a moment, but I will woo her for a lifetime. You don't know what I know, you haven't seen what I have seen, you haven't done what I have done...you cannot beat me at loving her...and she knows it. :)

I have hesitated ever writing about this because some may think this is arrogant. It's not. It's just something God has helped me get better at everyday if my life.

Besides, everyone should love their spouse like this, even better than this, because this is the way God loves you. No one will beat him. Ever.

God help me to love her the way you love me all the days of her life.

Quick Hits

-Still #1 in my fantasy basketball league...by a mile.

-I cook a mean teriyaki marinated filet mignon.

-Ton of response from Tuesday's message.

-Reminded this week what I look like without Jesus.

-It isn't pretty

-Looking at Tyler is like looking in the mirror

-excited to get the rest of my new suits

-Holly is hungry

-grateful for great friends

-cheaters, thieves, liars...baseball, anyone receiving gov't $$$, baseball

-Duke got crushed by my Heels

-having kids is the greatest gift ever

-having Holly is the best decision I have ever made and beyond my greatest expectations

-A-Rod

-Boot camp

-P90X

-love-handles are a curse from the devil himself

-I need to start running to get ready for the Tillman

-everything I have I do not deserve

Isaiah 58 = Ouch With A Twist of Wow

1 “Shout with the voice of a trumpet blast.
Shout aloud! Don’t be timid.
Tell my people Israel[a] of their sins!
2 Yet they act so pious!
They come to the Temple every day
and seem delighted to learn all about me.
They act like a righteous nation
that would never abandon the laws of its God.
They ask me to take action on their behalf,
pretending they want to be near me.
3 ‘We have fasted before you!’ they say.
‘Why aren’t you impressed?
We have been very hard on ourselves,
and you don’t even notice it!’

“I will tell you why!” I respond.
“It’s because you are fasting to please yourselves.
Even while you fast,
you keep oppressing your workers.
4 What good is fasting
when you keep on fighting and quarreling?
This kind of fasting
will never get you anywhere with me.
5 You humble yourselves
by going through the motions of penance,
bowing your heads
like reeds bending in the wind.
You dress in burlap
and cover yourselves with ashes.
Is this what you call fasting?
Do you really think this will please the Lord?

6 “No, this is the kind of fasting I want:
Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;
lighten the burden of those who work for you.
Let the oppressed go free,
and remove the chains that bind people.
7 Share your food with the hungry,
and give shelter to the homeless.
Give clothes to those who need them,
and do not hide from relatives who need your help.

8 “Then your salvation will come like the dawn,
and your wounds will quickly heal.
Your godliness will lead you forward,
and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.
9 Then when you call, the Lord will answer.
‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.

“Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.
Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!
10 Feed the hungry,
and help those in trouble.
Then your light will shine out from the darkness,
and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.
11 The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like an ever-flowing spring.
12 Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
and a restorer of homes.

13 “Keep the Sabbath day holy.
Don’t pursue your own interests on that day,
but enjoy the Sabbath
and speak of it with delight as the Lord’s holy day.
Honor the Sabbath in everything you do on that day,
and don’t follow your own desires or talk idly.
14 Then the Lord will be your delight.
I will give you great honor
and satisfy you with the inheritance I promised to your ancestor Jacob.
I, the Lord, have spoken!”

Congratulations, you just read your bible :)

Fast Forward

10 years ago I was 20. I was still in college, just started dating Holly, working at the Arizona Biltmore as a bellman, only attended church, and had no idea where I would be in 10 years at 30. Sure, I had a good idea I'd be in ministry, but really I had no idea how. I remember being so afraid of the future. I literally could not imagine how it would all work out if it would work out.

Yesterday morning at our retreat the Lord took me back that 10 years. He asked if I had any of what I have right now in mind then. Of course I didn't. He has brought me a very long way.

Then He fast forwarded 10 years. Bam. Snapshot. Glimpse. Peek. Nothing more, but more than enough. I'm not sure I can describe what I saw it was so quick. I saw enough to be reassured though. So yesterday I was feeling pretty good about the snapshot...until today.

"Lord, that's great that my life will look like that 10 years from now, where I hesitate though is not with where I will be 10 years from now...it's how I will get there." It hasn't been the easiest road the last 10 years. Sure, my life is great and I am very appreciative for all He has given me and done for me but it has not come without a price. It did not come free. I have wanted to quit. I wanted to turn. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted to disobey. I wanted to stay. I wanted to wait. I wanted to hide. I wanted to cry.

Joseph got the heads up with where he would be and gave no thought whatsoever to what it would take to get there...I bet if he had it to do all over again he would think twice about celebrating publicly like he did. Keep it to yourself bud, it will always cost more than you think.

Thanks for the glimpse Lord, now just help me make it 10 more years to see it happen.

All Because of a Razor?

Gonna be really vulnerable with this one.

When Rylie left her scooter outside last week I told you that my first response was to teach her a lesson, it was. I don't know why but it's like I think the only way to deal with my kids when they mess up is justice. I don't like this. It is not pretty and it's starting to get old. Holly leans much more towards mercy and grace which is much more attractive (but when out of balance can also be dangerous). I knew Holly wanted to immediately buy her a new scooter to replace the stolen one. I don't understand it but the thought in my mind was "that will teach her (Rylie)". How horrific. How stupid and ignorant and heartless and merciless. What an idiot! That's not my heart...but why was that my response? I don't know. But if I have anything to say about it it is going to change.

It's been less than 7 days and I have not stopped processing the whole situation. My heart is so extravagent towards my children that at times it overtakes common sense and understanding.

Rylie wanted a scooter. I wanted Rylie to have a scooter. That's why I bought the scooter in the first place.

Well, this morning before work I stopped by Walmart and bought her another one and when I get home I will give it to her. That's my heart. I want to bless her. I do not want to penalize her. I want to help her. She has missed her scooter everyday since it was stolen, she knows she made a mistake. So do I root for her to not be blessed even though she learned her lesson and choose not to replace it for her? Don't know what you would do...nor does it matter...but as for me, if I have any say about the matter, I want to deal with my children with mercy and justice. I want them to want to be around me for the rest of their lives. I don't want to be so just that I suck the life out of my relationship with my kids. I need to be more merciful...and it starts with replacing a $28 Razor scooter. Done.

Lord, thank you for protecting me from my own ignorance. Thank you for having a merciful heart and a just hand when you deal with me. I want to parent more like you. I want to have your heart for my kids. I want to love them like you love me. I know I won't always get it right, help me to do the best I possibly can. Help me to lean towards the razor but not fear the rod. Give me balance. Give me mercy. Show me grace. Amen

Point At Me

Rylie left her Razor scooter outside on the side of our house last week and completely forgot about it for about 20 hours. When she remembered she left it out there she flipped out and ran outside to see if it was still there...it was not. Someone took it. It was incredible to see her sweet little innocent mind try and understand why anyone would take something that didn't belong to them. She was really broken up about it. Holly really felt for her. I thought it was an awesome opportunity for a teachable moment. But after talking to Rylie about it all and Holly trying to think through who would have taken it, I really got into it. "Daddy, what happens if I see someone riding my scooter? What should I do?"

I can just see it...my 6-year old daughter is playing outside with her brothers and she see's some 10 year old on our street riding her scooter. What does she do? Admittedly, just thinking about this scenario riles me up.

"What do I do, Daddy?"

This is an incredible question for anyone who has ever had anything stolen from them by their enemy...what do I do when I realize that my enemy has stolen what my Father has given me? He's older than me, bigger than me, more cunning than me, more vicious than me...what do I do? What if I really want it back? How do I get it back?

Have you ever lost anything? Has he ever stolen from you?

As I'm having this conversation with the Lord, he comes out of left field with "point at me........ you don't have to be afraid of him, you don't have to beg him, you don't even have to approach him and you won't ever need to rile me up to motivate me to get it back...just point at me. When he asks, "What on earth makes you think this is yours and if it were that I would ever give it back to you?", just point at me. I am your answer. I paid for it, I gave it and I still have the receipt for it...not to mention the fact that I detest that stupid thief."

For those that have lost what an enemy has taken...

Psalms 121

1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
8 The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

There is not one 10 year old on the face of the planet who could keep me from taking back what is rightfully my daughter's. How much more can that be said of God, your father, about anyone that would take from you?